Sitting next to my word

I don't trust my own word. Working with that today, It's been in surges. Not overwhelming emotionally. What comes up is the urge to make promises to myself I can keep. I let that go, it comes back with a different mask, like wanting to make a promise to Trish. I let that go too and sit there. Emotion about it comes and goes, mostly I feel relief.

It's my challenge, a compulsion to make commitments to myself that I don't keep. Clearly giving myself shit about not keeping those commitments isn't serving me, but that's the urge. It feels like floating, not making fix-it promises -but then a wave of energy, relief and sadness together, drifts through me.

I wonder how deep in this goes?